Questions to Ask Before You Get Married 

It’s wedding season, and while you may be in a rush to make it halal with your honey bunny, there are some important things you should discuss first. Let’s talk about it! 

Wedding season makes us so happy, because we love to celebrate love. And what is a wedding, if not a celebration of the love between two people, placed in their hearts by Allah? Muslims place a heavy emphasis on getting married quickly for the purposes of being halal, avoiding the haram, avoiding the temptations of zina, and completing our deen. Unfortunately, that means sometimes people don’t have a chance to ask important questions of their potential partner. Asking these questions up front before marriage can prevent a lot of heartbreak in the future. Let’s chat about some important topics you should discuss with any potential partner. 

questions to ask before you get married

Are you seeking an Islamic marriage, a civil marriage (legal), or both? 

This is an important question because in Western countries, an Islamic marriage is typically not legally recognized. This makes it easier to dissolve in the event things go wrong…but it also makes it harder to get your rights should things go wrong, because it’s not a legally recognized union. There are some masjids and imams who will not marry people unless the marriage is also going to be a legally recognized one as well for this reason. A marriage that is only an Islamic marriage also leaves room for the man to legally marry someone else. While it’s sad to say, there are many instances in which sisters were duped into Islamic marriages while the man was legally married to someone else, and they had no idea that there were any other wives. 

 

Are you interested in polygyny? 

Assuming that your spouse is going to be either for or against polygyny is a big mistake. This is something that should absolutely be discussed up front. If you find that your potential husband is interested in polygyny and is unwilling to commit to monogamy, then you two may not be compatible. An honest discussion about this is important. Sisters should know that it can be part of your marriage contract that the marriage remains monogamous.

questions to ask before you get married

In many countries, polygyny is not legal. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop many men from taking secret wives in Islamic marriages. Some Islamic jurists do not believe in the validity of secret marriages, while others find them permissible under certain circumstances. However, here in the Western world where polygny is not legal, it’s important to remember that it’s virtually impossible to treat all wives equally when some are a secret, and when they may not be able to legally claim any rights as a spouse because there’s no avenue for legal marriage available to second, third, and fourth wives. In fact, in some cases, secret marriage can even be a form of spiritual abuse.  

 

Do you smoke, drink, or use any other substances? 

Many people wrongly assume that because someone is Muslim, they live their life in a halal manner. There are some Muslims who still choose to smoke, drink alcohol, or engage in the use of other intoxicants. Assuming that your potential partner does none of these things is a bad idea, and it’s better to know before marriage, especially if these things are deal breakers for you. Although someone may use intoxicants, it doesn’t mean they have an addiction…but you should bear in mind that Muslims can struggle with addiction, too – and it’s something that’s seldom talked about because of the stigmas and taboos. 

 

Do you want to have children? If so, when and how many? 

Assuming that someone wants children is also a bad idea. Your wants and desires for building a family should be discussed prior to marriage. After all, what would you do if you as a woman desperately desire children, but your husband doesn’t? It’s not like you can take on a second husband – or bring children into the home on your own. Meanwhile, if a man wants children but his wife doesn’t, he technically may be able to take on another spouse in order to meet his family goals, depending on the situation. So having this discussion up front can prevent a lot of heartbreak and potential incompatibility. 

 

These topics may be difficult to discuss, and you may even find them uncomfortable or awkward to bring out. But it’s better to discuss these things now than to assume and be heartbroken later. 

If there’s a wedding in your future, inshallah, we have the perfect gift for you, or your bridesmaids. Our Tuesday In Love Bridal Gift Sets have been carefully curated with halal and organic beauty essentials. We have three to choose from: 

questions to ask before you get married

💘 TOGETHER FOREVER: Contains an eyeshadow palette of your choice, “First Kiss” nail polish, top coat, Organic Camellia Seed Face Oil, and Mango & Hyaluronic Acid Moisturizer. 

 

💘HONEYMOON: Contains an eyeshadow palette of your choice, Power Lash Mascara, Long Wear Eyeliner Pen, and Lash and Brow Enhancement Serum.

💘 I DO: Contains a nail polish gift set with three colors (your choice of Nude Set, French Manicure Set, or Red Set) and our Hair Oil Gift Set, which includes Hijab Hair Oil and Organic Argan Hair Oil). 

May your wedding be blessed, and may Allah put love and mercy between you and your spouse, ameen! What are some important questions you think should be asked before marriage? Drop a comment and let us know. Be sure to follow us on Instagram at @tuesdayinlove.