Ways to Boost Intimacy After Kids

There’s no doubt that having kids changes your relationship – but it’s still possible to have intimacy with your spouse, even when you’ve got little ones. Let’s chat about it! 

Our community values family, marriage, and children a lot. It’s pretty much expected that after the nikah, kids will soon follow – although it’s no one’s business when or if you decide to have children. That’s between you, your partner, and Allah. But something that’s seldom talked about is intimacy after kids. Having kids can be stressful, and it changes the marital dynamics. In fact, some research shows that two-thirds of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction post-baby. This is because many couples plan for the baby…but they don’t make plans for how the relationship will change once the baby arrives. 

Share Responsibilities 

Who thinks about sex when they’ve been up all night with a crying infant? Examining the division of labor is vital. Marriage and parenting mean sharing responsibilities. It does not mean mom cleaning the house, looking after baby, and then catering to dad like he’s also one of the children. The Prophet, pbuh, routinely helped out around the house. Finding ways to balance labor is vital. And when you’re not overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed, you’re much more likely to feel like connecting with your spouse.

 

Ways to Boost Intimacy After Kids

Prioritize Date Night

Your relationship needs time to itself in order to thrive. That means getting back into the habit of date night as soon as possible. Both of you need adult time away from the responsibilities of parenting and chores for a bit. You may feel like you can’t spare the time, but you’ll be able to return to your responsibilities with a renewed sense of sanity.

 

Get As Much “Me Time” As You Can

Making sure that you’re making time for your own alone time and self-care is vital. This can allow you to reduce your stress, enjoy some much-needed quiet time, and discover how you’re changing with parenthood now in play. Don’t be ashamed about having someone stay with your little one for a few hours so you can do something for yourself, such as take a nap, luxuriate in a bubble bath, curl up with a good book, or even get a nice and relaxing mani/pedi.

Have Patience

Intimacy during marriage naturally waxes and wanes. Many couples experience a mismatched libido at some point during their marriage – it’s natural. There are many reasons why marriages may experience a decline in intimacy. Low libido can be caused by recently giving birth, post-partum anxiety and depression, body image issues post-baby, and many other reasons. If you find that you’re struggling and it’s taking a toll on your relationship, consider couples therapy. Couples therapy is often recommended during major life transitions - like having a baby.

Inshallah with time, patience, and commitment, your marriage can find its new norm, and you can experience the joys of both parenthood and continued intimacy with your spouse. How did your marriage change after having kids? Drop a comment and let us know. Be sure to follow us on Instagram at @tuesdayinlove. 

 

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